proposed television spot for topz

2003 by Douglas North



(Open on two stone-faced FBI agents walking into a Topz Restaurant. They are both carrying briefcases and wearing black suits, black hats and dark shades. With no concern about the patrons waiting in line, the two agents walk right up and slam their briefcases down onto the counter, startling a young male cashier)

CASHIER: (a bit bewildered) May I...help you gentlemen?

LEAD AGENT: (dead serious) Yes, you could. We’ve been receiving reports of outrageous claims that Topz burgers and fries not only taste good, but are actually healthy for public consumption. Now, you and I both know this can’t be true.

CASHIER: But...it is. Our burgers and fries have 50% less fat than the other guys, and they taste great. Here...See for yourself.

(The cashier hands a Topz burger to the agent. After a brief pause, the agent takes a bite out of the burger, glances at his partner, then focuses again on the cashier)

LEAD AGENT: Well, I’ve got only one thing to say...Woo-hoo! (gyrating and waving his arms exuberantly, then spinning around)

(Cut to a closeup of a Topz burger with fries beneath the Topz logo)

ANNCR. (VO): Topz...less fat, more flavor...seriously.

(Cut to the agent, serious again, stuffing the burger into his briefcase)

LEAD AGENT: I’ll need to hold onto this for evidence.


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