proposed television spot for brawny
© 2001 by Douglas North
"TITANIC TOWELS" :60
(Open on an English sailor and his shipmate trying to stay warm in the crow's-nest of the Titanic. Suddenly, both of them catch sight of something disturbing in the distance)
SAILOR: My God.
(The sailor vigorously rings a bell as he and his shipmate move about nervously in the lookout platform. He then gets on the phone)
SAILOR: Come on. Pick up...Yes. Could you pass along a message? (yelling) Iceberg, right ahead!
(Cut to a close-up of a naval officer on deck)
NAVAL OFFICER: (shouting) Iceberg, dead ahead on the starboard side!
(Cut to the foreboding iceberg getting dangerously close. Cut to the man at the helm steering the massive ship away from the iceberg with all of his might. Cut back to the crow's-nest)
SHIPMATE: We're gonna hit! I know it! We're gonna hit!
(Cut to the ominous iceberg, now too close to avoid)
SFX: A thunderous crash.
(Cut back to the men in the crow's-nest falling as the ship is struck. Cut to the ship's captain, who approaches the naval officer on the ship's deck)
NAVAL OFFICER: Sir, we've been broadsided by a berg.
CAPTAIN: Well, don't just stand there! Get the Brawny!
(Cut to the engine room, where water is gushing in through a gaping hole. Several men each hold a roll of Brawny paper towels)
CAPTAIN: On the count of three! One, two, three!
(In unison, the men stuff the hole with the rolls of Brawny paper towels)
SFX: A roaring slurping sound.
(Cut to a long shot of the sinking ship suddenly rising upward and stabilizing. Cut to the captain in the engine room)
CAPTAIN: (delighted) Splendid. Well, on to America?
SFX: The ship's horn sounding off in the distance.
(Cut to a long shot of the Titanic, now heading toward its destination)
SUPER: Brawny logo.
ANNCR. (VO): Brawny. the thirsty, and heroic, paper towel.