proposed television spot for federal express

2001 by Douglas North



(Open on the colorful Pied Piper, gleefully playing his pipe as he prances through the village of Hamelin. Startled villagers gather around as the magical musician leads swarms of mesmerized rats down the streets. Suddenly, a falcon swoops down and snatches the pipe from out of his hands. In reaction, the Piper is initially stunned. But, a moment later, he smiles confidently)

PIED PIPER: (to the villagers, with a dramatic old-world German accent) Have no fear, my friends! My page has already ordered me another pipe! It should be arriving any moment via Federal Express. And vonce again these filthy, disgusting rats vill be under my spell so I can lead them into the river vhere they belong!

(After a brief pause, a teenage boy goes up to the Pied Piper and whispers something in his ear)

PIED PIPER: (to the boy) Vhat's that? They didn't use Federal Express?

(The previously confident musician smiles uncomfortably as he looks at the rats that surround him. Cut to various close-ups of the angry, betrayed rats, no longer under the Piper's spell. The last rat shown smiles diabolically, exposing his unusually sharp teeth.

Cut to a close-up of the panic-stricken Pied Piper, sweating profusely with eyes bulging)

LOGO: Federal Express.

ANNCR. (VO): Federal Express. When it absolutely has to be there.


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